An Introvert HR Expert Weighs in on the most important relationships to build when starting your new job. Spoiler alert: You might not have thought about the last one...

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"So...you're an introvert?" That's what I asked a new hire after checking in on how his first week was going.

He laughed and said that every evening after work he'd come home, eat dinner, and immediately fall asleep on the couch. One night his wife watched him nod off halfway through dinner and sent him straight to bed.

I smiled because, honestly, I knew exactly what was happening.

If you're an introvert and you've just started a new job, there's a good chance you're feeling the same way.

You probably aren't tired because the work is hard. You're tired because everything is new.

Every conversation requires energy. Every meeting is with people you don't know yet. Every system is unfamiliar. You're trying to remember names, figure out how things work, decide when to ask questions, and make a good impression, all at the same time.

If you're anything like me, by the time you get home, your social battery is completely drained. It’s just what happens when you begin a new job.

I'm an introvert too, and after years working in HR, I've learned something important: you don't have to connect with everyone right away.

In fact, I'd argue that trying to do that is one of the fastest ways to burn yourself out.

Instead, focus on building a few key relationships first. Those relationships will make your onboarding smoother, help you learn faster, and make work feel a lot less overwhelming.

Here's where I'd spend my energy if I were starting a new job today.

Start with Your Boss

I know this one isn't exactly groundbreaking, but there's a reason it's first.

Your manager is the person who can help you succeed faster than anyone else. They set expectations, answer questions, give feedback, and help remove roadblocks.

But the tricky part is that every new working relationship is a little awkward in the beginning.

You're still figuring each other out. They're learning how you communicate. You're learning what they expect. There will probably be misunderstandings which is completely normal.

One pattern I see over and over again with new employees is this feeling that they're taking more than they're giving.

Your manager is spending time training you, answering questions, and reviewing your work, while you're thinking:

"I feel like I'm slowing everyone down."

"I should know this by now."

"Maybe they wish they'd hired someone else."

The truth is that almost every good employee has those thoughts during onboarding, but the trick is learning not to believe them.

The reality is that you're not supposed to know everything yet, but when you notice that negative inner dialogue creeping in, remind yourself that learning is your job right now. And if you need a little help quieting that inner critic, we've created our Self-Onboarding for Success: Inner Monologue Reset ($19), a 10-minute guided digital audio product that helps replace anxious thoughts with more productive ones while you're learning your new role.

You can also download our free Self-Onboarding for Success: Questions That Help Build Trust With Your New Boss PDF guide to help create meaningful conversations that strengthen your relationship from day one. And if you're looking for more structure, our Self-Onboarding for Success 1:1 Conversation Guide ($9) provides an easy framework for productive meetings with your manager throughout your onboarding journey.

Next, think about the people who rely on your work.

Depending on your role, those people might be customers. They might be coworkers in another department. They might even be the person on the line next to you.

Here's something I want you to remember: they already know you're new.

As a result, I wouldn’t waste extra energy you really don’t have trying to look like you have everything figured out. Instead, be curious and honest. Try saying things like:

• "I'm worried I may have missed something. Would you mind taking a quick look?"

• "I've tried these three things already but I'm still stuck. What am I overlooking?"

• "Can you walk me through how you would handle this?"

Instead of trying to hide it, just embrace your vulnerability and be open about what you know and what you're still learning. Doing this shows your humility, initiative, and a genuine desire to improve.More importantly, solving problems together can build trust remarkably fast. Because when someone takes the time to teach you, they aren’t just answering a question, but investing their time in you.

One additional tip: take great notes (if you need a new notebook, (see my favorite one here, from PaperSource) Taking notes helps you remember important information and also shows others that you value their time and expertise.

Finally, consider the relationship nobody talks about when you start your new job. Your IT Help Desk

This is the relationship almost everyone overlooks- Make friends with your IT support team! Seriously.During your first few weeks, they'll probably help you with things like passwords, software installations, system permissions, multi-factor authentication, hardware issues, and countless other technical stuff.

However, most of the contact they have is with employees who are already frustrated. So, imagine how refreshing it would be for an IT person to hear: "Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it." Your kindness, patience and respect will stand out…And yes, bringing coffee, snacks, or a small thank-you gift (like this gift card from giftcards.com) after they've gone above and beyond certainly doesn't hurt. Think of it as appreciation, not bribery. Building a positive relationship with your IT team can pay dividends throughout your career. When your laptop decides to stop cooperating five minutes before an important presentation, you'll be grateful to have someone who recognizes your name and remembers that you've always treated them with kindness.

Final thoughts

Starting a new job is exhausting especially if you're an introvert.

Rather than trying to connect deeply with everyone all at once, prioritize the relationships that matter most:

• Your boss

• The people who rely on your work

• And don't forget your IT support team

Investing in these relationships when starting your new job will make your onboarding experience smoother, your work more enjoyable, and your transition into your new role much less stressful.

The Self-Onboarding Challenge ⭐

Small actions you can take today to make tomorrow a little easier.

Choose one person this week that you'd like to know better.

Invite them to grab coffee, eat lunch together, or simply spend five minutes chatting before a meeting. Strong workplace relationships are built through small, consistent interactions—not one big networking effort.

In the meantime, know I’m sending good vibes to all the new hires out there!

Peace,

Nellie