Help- I made a big mistake taking this new job!

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A week after new hire orientation, a new hire sits in my office to “meet” about their new job. They tell me they’ve made a big mistake and wonder if there’s another kind of job available or want to know what would happen if they resigned. Unfortunately, after seeing hundreds of employees onboard, this has happened more times than you’d think. Heck, I’ve even felt this way at the start of one of my previous jobs.

During her interviews, everything felt pretty standard. Sure, she noticed a few "yellow flags"…a vague job description here, a quirky interviewer there, but she shook them off.

Now? Those yellow flags have painted the town a glaring shade of red. Day one arrived, the fantasy evaporated, and panic set in. She’s already asking herself the ultimate "ghosting" question: What if I just call in sick tomorrow... and never go back?

Having spent 25 years in HR, I can tell you that the biggest threat to a new hire isn't actually their new environment. It’s the stories running on loop in their own heads. It’s these mental narratives that cause the deepest anxiety, and they almost always boil down to three specific scenarios:

1. I feel like a total idiot- I am failing at my new job!

What I know for sure from working with distressed employees for over 25 years is that all employees truly want to feel like they are contributing and feel competent in their jobs. When a new hire is telling themself a story that they are failing at their new job or their performance is bad, it creates a feeling of not being able to reciprocate yet in exchange for their paycheck.

If you just started your job recently and this sounds like a story you might be telling yourself, here’s what you should do instead- Control your inner narrative by telling a better story. You could read or write daily positive affirmations or simply listen to our Self-Onboarding for Success: Inner Monologue Reset ($19) to help change the story you are telling yourself. Our 10-minute digital audio product will help combat negative self-talk produced by the brain that is typically experienced by a new hire and will help to ground your mind in a positive way, while helping you to feel more competent day-by-day

2. My new job duties are terrible and not at all what I expected.

New hires often tell themselves this story because their new job is not portrayed in its entirety during the interview process by hiring managers and their teams. Perhaps it wasn’t possible to share all of the “ins and outs” of the position due to the time limitations of the interview schedule. Or perhaps the hiring manager/team only focused on only the good or easy parts, concealing or neglecting to share the repetitive or challenging parts of the job that might have had the candidate rethinking whether they actually want to work at the position. This can lead to you feeling lied to and is definitely not a good way to start any new relationship.

If you just started your job recently and this sounds like a story you might be telling yourself, here’s what you can do. While you might feel misled—and understandably frustrated—start by hunting for a silver lining. Ask yourself:

• What sparks your curiosity? Is there one tool, project, or client that genuinely interests you?

• Where can you make an impact? Is there a clunky workflow you can step in and improve?

Securing even a small win can completely shift your momentum.

Remember, you don’t need a perfect job to be happy. In his bestselling book Love + Work, Marcus Buckingham reveals that people who love what they do only need about 20% of their role to align with their passions. The rest of the book is a masterclass in how to strategically "mold your role so that it calls upon the very best of you."

3. My new boss is unapproachable.

Ugh. This is one of the most common anxieties I hear from new hires. Lacking the perspective of time and a familiarity with their boss's quirks, it’s easy for a newcomer to spiral. They start wondering: Does my boss dislike me? Do they regret hiring me?

In reality, the issue is rarely about the new hire and almost always about the manager. Truly exceptional leaders who know how to quickly connect with new team members are incredibly rare. Even if your boss has been managing teams for years, they may still struggle with the daily realities of people leadership. They often simply don't realize that building a strong foundation requires intentional, consistent communication from day one.

If you just started your job recently and this sounds like a story you might be telling yourself, here’s what you can do. You don’t have to wait for your new boss to start building the relationship. Instead, you can set up your first official meeting with them and use our PDF handout, Self-Onboarding for Success: Questions That Help Build Trust With Your New Boss (FREE) to help guide to your discussion to start connecting and building your relationship. If you’ve already met with them and the conversation(s) continue to be difficult, you can initiate regular, productive meetings that will help create a solid working relationship for both you and your boss by using our Self-Onboarding for Success 1:1 Conversation Guide ($9).

Whatever the story that your mind may be telling you, it’s important to know that this is not unusual when starting a new job. While your brain is trying to create new work habits, it can oftentimes handle the uncertainty with negativity, but it doesn’t mean you have to quit and find a new job immediately. Instead, you can use the resources discussed in this post to help you begin to tell a new story and create better connection in your new role and with your new boss and team. Before doing anything rash, be kind to yourself- give your new job time, go slower, go lighter- What other work stories might you eventually come up with?

The Self-Onboarding Challenge ⭐

Small actions you can take today to make tomorrow a little easier.

Before you decide you've made the wrong choice, ask yourself this question:

"Am I reacting to the discomfort of being new, or have I identified a genuine long-term problem?"

Give yourself 60-90 days to gather evidence before making any major career decisions. Keep a running list of what's improving, what's still frustrating, and what conversations you've had to address your concerns. You'll make a much better decision based on patterns than on one difficult week.

In the meantime, know I’m sending good vibes to all the new hires out there!

Peace,

Nellie