I Hate Small Talk! But Here's Why I Still Do It at Work.

I Hate Small Talk! But Here's Why I Still Do It at Work

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Over my 25 years in HR, I've watched hundreds of people start new jobs. No matter their experience level or personality, every single one has had to engage in small talk.

Merriam-Webster defines small talk as "polite, light, and informal conversation about minor or everyday topics, usually shared between people who do not know each other well."

I'll be honest…I hate it.

As an introvert, I can get completely wrapped up in my own thoughts. Having my concentration interrupted by casual conversation (especially first thing in the morning) can feel unnecessary and, if I'm being honest, a little disruptive. Surface-level conversations just aren't how I naturally connect with people. Then there's one of my closest friends, who's my complete opposite. She loves what she calls "working the room." She'll chat with the barista while grabbing coffee or make her rounds to say good morning before opening her inbox. Those little interactions give her energy. They help her ease into the day.

While I admire that about her, it's never going to be me. But here's what I've learned: whether you love small talk or dread it, it's part of working with other people.

When you start a new job, you'll meet a new manager, new teammates, new clients, and plenty of people you've never worked with before. Those first conversations may seem insignificant, but they're often where trust and relationships begin.

Here are three ways to make small talk work for you during your first few weeks on the job.

1. Think of Small Talk as an Investment

I know it can feel awkward walking up to someone you don't know and trying to start a conversation. Instead of thinking of small talk as meaningless, think of it as an investment.

The people you're chatting with today are probably the same people you'll be collaborating with next month. The goal isn't to become best friends in one conversation. The goal is simply to start building familiarity and trust. The strongest workplace relationships rarely begin with deep conversations. They almost always start with something simple: "How was your weekend?" or "How's your first week going?"

On the flip side, diving into deeply personal topics too quickly can actually make people uncomfortable. Small talk gives relationships room to grow naturally.

2. Remember That Small Talk Is a Skill

Some people make it look effortless, but even they had to learn. Like any skill, small talk gets easier the more you practice. One thing that helps is shifting your focus away from yourself and becoming genuinely curious about the other person. Ask questions. Listen to the answers. Notice what's happening around you that you can comment on. Simple body language—turning toward the person, making eye contact, and uncrossing your arms—also goes a long way.

If you're looking for a safe place to practice, start with your manager. Building that relationship early pays dividends throughout your onboarding experience, and meaningful conversations don't have to happen by accident.

If you're not sure what to ask, download our free Self-Onboarding for Success: Questions That Help Build Trust With Your New Boss PDF guide. It's full of conversation starters that can help you build trust from day one.

3. Be the Energy You're Hoping to Receive

It's easy to hope everyone else is friendly, welcoming, and engaging. Instead, try being that person first. Assume positive intent. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Remember that your new coworkers may be feeling just as awkward as you are.

People tend to reflect the energy they're given. When you approach conversations with curiosity, kindness, and a little positivity, you'll often get the same in return.

And don't be afraid to let your personality show. A smile, a little humor, or a genuine compliment can turn a forgettable interaction into the beginning of a great working relationship.

Final Thoughts

I'll probably never love small talk, and honestly, that's okay.

I've learned that small talk isn't really about talking about the weather or what you did over the weekend. It's about showing people you're approachable, interested, and willing to connect.

If you're starting a new job, don't put pressure on yourself to be the most outgoing person in the room. Just focus on taking one small step toward getting to know the people around you.

Because sometimes the shortest conversations end up opening the biggest doors.

The Self-Onboarding Challenge ⭐

Small actions you can take today to make tomorrow a little easier.

Before you start work tomorrow, think of three simple questions you can ask someone.

For example:

• "How was your weekend?"

• "How long have you been with the company?"

• "Any fun plans coming up?"

You don't need to become the office extrovert. You just need to start one conversation.

In the meantime, know I’m sending good vibes to all the new hires out there!

Peace,

Nellie